I'm 16 years old, and I live in North America. The most important thing to me is my dog right now, believe it or not she is my best friend because she is the only living being that I feel has been there for me and never once abandoned me like everyone else in my life has done.

Well, when I was in the 8th grade I became very depressed and just wanting to seek out attention so badly. I decided to run away with my boyfriend who was no good for me in the first place. I was gone for less than a day when the police found me and my boyfriend. While riding to the police station I was so terrified...I didn't care about what was going to happen to me legally, but mainly just my parents. But that was the period in my life that started the most depressing years of my life. A few days later while at home I walked in on my mom in the bathroom thinking she was smoking a cigarette (which I had influenced her to quit while at the age of 4). Of course, I was way too naive to realize what it really was. About an hour later my Mom came in my room and told me she was "experimenting" with marijuana. She said that was the first and last time she would ever use that substance again and being the age of 14 I believed her.

Well, as time went on things only got worse. I found it hidden all the time in the cabinets in my parent’s bathroom, I soon realized my Dad was using marijuana also. I kept this all inside for about a year until a guy came along that I trusted and fell in love with. I confessed to him what had been on my conscience and pulling me down while crying my eyes out. He stood by me and never once walked out or ran because of it and I loved him even the more for that. One night he called and asked to speak to my Mom, and I let him. I later found out he had told her that there are some unresolved issues she needs to talk to me about." A few days later my Mom came in my room and told me we needed to talk, she told me that I knew she had continued using Marijuana. She said she was really going to quit because she knew how it felt for her at my age when her mother was drinking and she never could get her to stop. Well, she continued with her problem. One night I got so mad about the situation that I went in my parent’s room and threw all the drugs in the toilet and flushed them. Later my Mom questioned if I had been in any of their personal belongings, I lied and told her no. Eventually it developed in a huge argument between my Mom and my Dad and I shouted, "At least I'm not being a hypocrite by telling my daughter it's wrong to do drugs while I'm doing it in the same house she lives in." My Dad looked me straight in the eyes and said, "What we do in our personal lives is none of your business." Of course later that night my Mom came in there and told me how sorry she was and that she would quit, and she remembered how she felt at my age when her mother was drinking, basically everything she had said before. I neglected to mention that also during this period of time my Mom had a heart attack also. Which of course the drugs didn't help prevent. So by now she was combining all sorts of medication with the marijuana. Well, by now I was a sophomore in high school and me and my boyfriend who I shared this whole situation with had broken up for certain circumstances, which I prefer not to mention, but we did still do love each other. My sister who was 25 at the time had also moved down here from Tennessee with her husband and my previous boyfriend encouraged me to confide in my sister about the problem. So I did, when I told her we both ended up in tears and we discussed how basically we were going to have an intervention with my Mom. So a few nights later I found myself sitting in a room with my Mom, my sister, and I. We had a talk that lasted for about 2 hours that night, by then my Dad had stopped. My sister told her that she believed she needed to get help for her addiction. It was then that I found out that my Mother had been battling this drug addiction for the past 22 years. It broke my heart to look at this woman who I used to absolutely adore and now who I had no respect for because of her behavior within the past three years and which had caused me to become deeply depressed. She agreed to start going to counseling after that meeting and soon after that my sister had to move because she was going to go to graduate school in another state.

Eventually my Mom went to one or two counseling meetings, but nothing really changed. Now a year later she has only gotten worse and my Dad has also started back too. My life is falling apart because I feel more and more like this whole event was my fault. I feel like if I had not ran away that day she would of never felt the need to turn to drugs to relieve stress or pain or whatever she had trouble dealing with. Now I am trying to fight the urge to turn to drugs and alcohol. I am trying to get through this the best way I know how. I can't stand to be around my Mom hardly anymore because when she is not "high" she is very aggressive and angered, then when she is it just disgusts me...I guess is the best way I can describe it. She acts totally ridiculous and I don't know what to do because I feel like I honestly no longer love her anymore, and this is my Mother the person who carried me around for 9 months. I am becoming more and more torn up inside about this each and every day.

I am sharing my story with you because I need advice, I need help! Please I can't tell anyone who knows me personally because they may try and take me away from my home. I feel like I can't take it anymore and this has been growing inside me for so long. Please to anyone who reads this help me!! I am now 16 and a Junior in high school, dealing with a burden which I have kept hidden to all but 2 people within the past four years. I just can't deal with this anymore and I don't know what else I can do to cause her to quit, and I am becoming more and more depressed because of it!

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